How Going Boysober Transformed My Self-Worth and Approach to Love
Nov 08, 2024
A little over a year ago, I went boysober. This choice to take a break from dating and go abstinent wasn’t just about pressing pause. It was about honoring my self-worth and gaining clarity on what I truly want in a partner.
I realized I don’t need to earn anyone’s attention by giving up parts of myself. Not everyone deserves access to me just because we matched or went on a date. I believe in true connection, and that hookup culture and FWB (Friends With Benefits) ultimately harm my well-being.
What is Boysober?
In today’s dating culture, the term “boysober” has become popular among women who want a break from dating and relationships to focus on personal growth. Being “boysober” means women are choosing not to date or engage in romantic or physical relationships for a set period. This isn’t about giving up on love but about consciously stepping away to reconnect with oneself, gain clarity, and often heal from past relationships.
For me, going boysober wasn’t just about abstaining; it was about reclaiming my self-worth and redefining my values in relationships. Since my last relationship, I’ve taken this intentional pause to reflect on what I truly want in a partner and how I want to show up in love.
Why Boysober? Healing and Clarity After Heartbreak
After my breakup, I realized I needed time to process why I had invested in a two-year relationship where commitment wasn’t fully reciprocated. Taking this break was a way to turn inward and focus on my own healing. Boysober became a journey of understanding what I deserve and setting higher standards for future relationships.
Celibacy vs. Abstinence
While these terms are often used interchangeably, there’s a distinction. Celibacy is often a long-term vow, while abstinence is temporary and can serve as a tool for self-discovery and healing. My boysober journey was a way to reclaim my space, my values, and my boundaries.
Saying No to Hookup Culture
I’ve never been a fan of hookup culture or FWB (Friends With Benefits). I believe they detract from our mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. My time of abstinence has reminded me that not everyone deserves access to my body or energy.
The Power of Choice
I used to be the woman who waited to be chosen. Now, I choose. Abstinence has taught me to honor my intuition and discernment. Instead of bending to fit someone else’s life, I now seek a man who fits my values and vision.
The Value of Waiting
A year alone is far better than years spent with someone who can’t honor your worth. I’m waiting for a partner who sees my full value, not just what’s “fun” or convenient. When we give ourselves time alone, we grow in wisdom and strength.
If you’re feeling the pull to take a break, follow it. Boysober time can reveal so much about who you are and what you truly need.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by dating pressures or uncertain about your path, consider a boysober journey. Taking time to connect with yourself can lead to profound clarity and strength.
In a world of hookup culture and FWB that doesn't align to my values and truth, I believe there’s immense value in discernment. Abstaining for over a year has helped me see that I’m worthy of more than casual validation. Now, I no longer let someone else define my worth; instead, I choose the partner who aligns with my vision, values, and future.
Schedule a consultation call with me if you’re curious about what this path could mean for you, and let’s explore together how to find clarity and meaningful love.
"I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness. In reality, those who satisfy me are those who simply allow me to live with my 'idea of them.'" - Anais Nin
xoxo love, Catherine
The Love Priestess
Author of "Before You Say I Do: Transform Your Love Life From Within"
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