Learn How To Love You Before You Say I Do

Aug 24, 2024

As a Love and Intimacy Coach, I often hear from individuals who wish they had prepared for being in a relationship before getting married. Many have experienced the pain of sexless marriages, infidelity, and divorce. They confide in me, expressing regret for not having the tools and knowledge to build a stronger foundation for their relationships. If only they had understood what works and what doesn't in love and marriage, they could have avoided much heartache. "Before You Say I Do: Transform Your Love Life From Within" is my effort to provide that vital education and wisdom to help you avoid the heartache and disappointment, and instead create a fulfilling, lasting relationship.

My parents never taught me how to date or choose a husband; they just gave me rules like "no sex before marriage" and "your curfew is 11 pm.” I’d ask, “Why Daddy?” And he would say, “Because nothing good ever happens after 11 pm."

Growing up, I had no idea that I was unconsciously learning and being programmed with all of my parent's patterns in relationships and money. Three months before our birth until we are seven years old, our human brain is in a hypnotic, easily influenceable theta state. This is when we receive our family programming.

I learned:

My charm, beauty, kindness, and humor gave me an immediate connection.

People pleasing was rewarded with acceptance and validation.

Performing as the "good little girl" kept me safe.

I didn't learn:

What to do with my deep emotions.

- I felt deeply but didn't feel safe to share how I felt because I was so scared of rejection or being too much. (I remember my mom saying on multiple occasions, "I can't stand kids who whine").

How to set boundaries.

- I had no boundaries because when I tried to assert them as a child, I was scolded or punished or both.

How to resolve conflict.

- Conflict frightened me the most, and that is what was also underneath my fear of sharing my emotions and boundaries. I didn't know how to resolve conflict because I had never seen conflict handled without yelling, tears, and resentment. So I swept it under the rug and hoped it would resolve itself.

How to share my needs.

- I didn't have a clue how to share my needs, or if it was even acceptable to have needs.

It wasn't until 2020 when I first learned that I was abandoning my own heart in my desire to be loved. As I was healing from the pain of another broken heart, I was inspired to go down a path that brought me to my soul's purpose. I now help men and women heal from heartbreak, shame, and conditioning so they can thrive in their relationships, sex lives, and marriage. I've suffered from all of these wounds, and I learned that it is possible to heal the patterns that keep us stuck. Suffering, longing, and melancholy were never meant to be life sentences.

My heartbreak was a gift of darkness. It had opened Pandora's Box to what I needed to learn: that it was OK to feel all the pain. I was meant to feel this pain so that I could learn how to share my feelings and needs, set boundaries, and resolve conflict. This pain opened my eyes to the reality that I was being unkind to my own heart. Ironically, because I was so scared of abandonment, I abandoned my own heart.

Now I am setting boundaries like a Queen, taking care of my heart, and loving myself.

Are you abandoning your beautiful heart? Is someone using your desire for love against you? Do you wonder why you can't seem to find someone who loves you in the way you need to be loved? If you need to learn how to love you, I'd love to help. Find out more about 1:1 coaching with me Book A Consultation Call With Catherine