We fall in love, run from love, and are addicted to love.

I want to share with you a deeply personal journey—the story of what I do each day to biohack my love addiction, in the hopes that this information can help you or someone you know. 

I am In Love with Love

I love to be in love. I've been a romantic since my middle school teacher introduced me to historical romance novels. I love to read about love. I love to watch romantic movies. I'm not satisfied with a film unless there is a love story where the couple gets married or engaged in the end. So of course, I want to be the heroine in my own love story. 

Years as a People Pleasing Nice Girl

For years, I found myself swirling in a cycle of seeking external validation and love to fill a void within myself. I felt I always needed to be in a relationship to be safe and worthy, hoping they would provide the love and happiness I craved. I took the path of least-resistance and people pleased to avoid conflict. But no matter how hard I tried, I always ended up feeling anxious and disappointed. It was easy to attract men, but not their love and commitment. 

Core Wounds

It wasn't until I took a step back and looked inward that I realized the root of my struggles. I discovered that my addiction to love was a symptom of deeper emotional wounds and a lack of self-love that stemmed from my childhood experiences, struggles with anxiety, and traumatic breakups. Most of my life, I wasn't even aware I was traumatized. I had no idea that I lacked self worth, and I had never heard of anxious attachment.

Love and Sex and Biochemistry

I didn't know that every time I had sex with someone, we were exchanging energies. If I had known that women bonded and "fell in love" after sex and men did not, I would have made different choices. Today I know about energy, chemistry, oxytocin and vasopressin, so I am going to share with you how I biohack my love addiction using science-backed strategies to rewire my brain and cultivate a deeper sense of love and fulfillment, so that I don't fall in love with unavailable, incompatible men. 

The partners we choose mirror how much we love ourselves

We choose people who love us how much we feel we deserve to be loved. Our choices mirror our self worth. If we don't shine light on our unconscious, we will repeat our patterns of choosing people who will hurt us. We will neglect our boundaries, allow bad behavior from our partners, and settle for less. When we are only given breadcrumbs our entire life, and then we meet someone who gives us the smallest kindness, this feels comfortable for us. It makes sense that we will fall in love for the smallest bit of effort because this is how we have known love since childhood. Some of us have been taught that we must work hard for love or be a different version other than our true self, and so we give more than we receive and we become whoever the person needs us to be. In other words, we self-abandon for the tiniest scrap of love in return. We beg for it and plead for it and wait around for a love that is not there and never will be there because we don't value ourselves. We don't believe we are worthy of the love we truly crave and we settle for less and often nothing at all. 

Shadow Work

Our brain likes what it knows because that feels safe - even if it is not what our heart wants. When we do our inner work and choose from a place of self worth, love, and acceptance, we will grow in love with someone who also wants to meet heaven with us in divine union.

First, we must go into our shadows and face what we are afraid to see and it is then that our true love story will unfold. We must be our own hero/heroine first. When we are ready for love, love will arrive. It is always when we least expect it, and that is why true love is so magical and lights us up in a beautiful way. There is nothing more gorgeous than the light that shines from the face of two lovers, but first we must acquire that shine within ourselves. 

Keys to Biohacking a Love Addiction: 

1. Mindfulness Meditation: Practicing mindfulness has allowed me to observe my thoughts and emotions without judgment, helping me break free from destructive patterns. In this meditation, my higher self is a witness to my thoughts and emotions, and I practice changing my current story to the story I want in my life. 

2. Self-Compassion Practices: Learning to treat myself with kindness and compassion has been transformative. I've learned to embrace my imperfections and treat myself with the same love and care I would offer to a dear friend, family member, and lover. 

3. Setting Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries in my relationships (family, work, or romantic) has been crucial for protecting my emotional well-being and reclaiming my power. I never even knew what a boundary was or how to set one until recently, so this is a huge win. 

4. Coaching: Seeking support from coaches who specialize in self-love and love addiction has been instrumental in my healing journey. Their guidance and expertise have provided me with invaluable tools and insights. I also continue to read and learn about biochemistry, love, and sex. 

5. Cultivating Gratitude: Practicing gratitude has helped me shift my focus from what I lack to what I have, promoting a greater sense of contentment in my life. 

Know Your Worth

Through these practices and more, I've been able to biohack my love addiction and reclaim my sense of self-worth and empowerment. The biggest thing I've realized during this process was that for a man to love me and want to commit to a relationship with me, he has to invest in me. 

I've learned that giving something away for free and expecting someone to value it doesn’t work. I know it can be heart shattering when the curtain is ripped away from our faux relationship and the mask comes off our noncommittal partner. After years of giving to this person and the relationship and not receiving anything in return, the day will arrive that we need something, or we finally work up enough courage and self worth to ask for something, or we stop giving altogether. It is then we realize that the relationship we thought we had - doesn't exist, and the person who we thought loved us, pulls away.

On that day, when we see what we thought was true love is instead a hormone induced chemical illusion, we are left standing alone with the sickening realization that this person never loved us. As long as we were willing to give our love, energy, and body for free, they were willing to take it. If we were no longer willing to keep giving freely, they walked away - no regrets. While we are left in that moment in a hazy daze with nothing but regrets. 

Healing from Heartbreak and Love Addiction

There is a lot of healing work to do if you’ve spent decades with a person who never had your best interests at heart. So much of what I do is saving people from lives with people who will only cause them tremendous pain and heartbreak 💔 and helping them change their deep patterns that keep them going down this same path of choosing people who will hurt them.

If you're struggling with love addiction, anxious attachment, or seeking support on your journey to healing, know that you're not alone. Reach out to me for guidance and support, and remember that healing is possible. Consultation Call with Catherine  

xoxo love, Catherine

The Love Priestess

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