When Doing the Inner Work Makes You Feel ‘Not Enough’

Feb 27, 2025

Beautiful Woman, Healing from heartbreak, Worthy of Love, The Love Priestess, Catherine Josephine, Love Coach, Conscious Dating Coach, Emotional Wounds

Before we begin healing, we don't see the trauma.

We don’t recognize the way we freeze when asked what we want.

We think we don't know what we want, but we know. We were born with our desires and everything we need to have the life and love we want.

Somewhere our voice was silenced and speaking our truth feels scary.

We don’t realize that our reactions in love—the push and pull, the fear of abandonment, the struggle to receive—are not flaws, but responses we learned to survive.

And then one day, we start the inner work.

We get clear on what we truly desire.

We dig into our childhood wounds.

We uncover the truth behind our triggers.

We see, for the first time, how our nervous system has been keeping us ‘safe’ in ways that have also blocked us from true love.

And suddenly, instead of feeling more ready for love, we feel further away from it.

We wonder:
💔 Am I too broken for love?
💔 Who would want me with all this trauma?
💔 How do I explain that I freeze when someone asks me what I want because I was never allowed to want anything for myself?

I want you to know something: There is nothing wrong with you.

You are not broken.

If your body tenses when someone asks you what you desire, that is not proof that you don’t deserve love. It is proof that at some point, your nervous system learned it wasn’t safe to express your needs.

If you feel overwhelmed by all you’ve uncovered,

if you grieve the person you were before you understood your wounds,

if you fear no one will love you now that you are no longer performing—please know you are not alone.

I have walked this path. I have done this work. And still, there are moments I freeze, moments I hesitate, moments I hear the echo of old stories whispering, "Don’t be too much. Don’t need too much. Don’t ask for too much."

But love is not about being perfect. It is not about being fully healed. It is not about being without triggers.

Love is about being seen, as you are, and still being chosen.

Your trauma responses do not make you unlovable. They make you human.

And the right person—the one who sees your heart, not just your healing journey—will not ask you to hide the parts of you that are still learning to feel safe.

They will gently coax those parts of you out as if they were a frightened little kitten.

So if you are struggling, if you feel like love is slipping further away the more you heal, I want to remind you:

💖 Healing doesn’t make you less worthy of love—it makes you more capable of receiving real love.

💖 The right relationship will not demand that you be ‘done’ healing—it will meet you where you are and walk with you through it.

💖 Your triggers, your fears, your freeze response—are invitations for deeper intimacy with someone who truly sees you.

So tell me… have you ever felt like healing has made love feel further away instead of closer?